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Post by Gavin on May 8, 2007 22:04:14 GMT
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Post by secretagent on May 9, 2007 5:37:49 GMT
It sounds ok to me ;D
What are your reservations with it?(i take it this is the 7 hours song)
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Post by Dubsounds on May 9, 2007 5:51:47 GMT
Vocally, the first thing I thought was "he's been listening to Reznor a lot" but that evaporated very quickly (and it isn't a bad thing). I do think the chorus needs huge rock drums to come in over the top to lift it which goes back to the roland drums again after the lift. Also, try removing the organ part (it doesn't do much for me) and see if it's a. needed and b. can be replaced by something else. Finally, I think it needs a minimal pulse of bass notes (bass guitar would be nice) in the verses and a full on 8th note bass guitar chug on the chorus. The wall of guitar parts are a bit "polite" if we really are treading in NIN territory so they need to come up a bit. Apart from that, everything is fine. Finally, a 1 bar break (no drums) would be nice after each chorus before going back to the roland verse (cliche I know but it works).
Overall, nothing wrong with the song, it just needs a bit more controlled aggression and better use of dynamics to increase the contrast between the sections.
That's my two pence ;D
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Post by dlm21uk on May 9, 2007 8:28:42 GMT
What Shaun said  #goofy# Nice start, the chorus does need a lift though. I only quickly listened to the lo fi version cos I'm at work but will have a better listen tonight & post again. ;D |
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Post by TheProdigy on May 9, 2007 16:26:50 GMT
Yes, very nice Gavin.
Shaun makes some valid points but most of all, I'd lose the organ!
Look forward to the final cut :-)
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Post by Gavin on May 9, 2007 18:16:11 GMT
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Post by TheProdigy on May 9, 2007 20:44:07 GMT
Gavin Let me tell you (son  ), I'm your average Joe here, compared to the other talented regulars who make proper music - This sounds f*cking great!!!!!! ;D It sounds Pro to me, in structure and in sonics. My own thoughts are that at around 3:40 my ear gets a little bored and I'm not sure about the sample at the end but then I'm ill at the moment (sick smiley) |
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Post by dlm21uk on May 9, 2007 20:44:12 GMT
Sounding good ;D
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Post by Dubsounds on May 9, 2007 20:54:36 GMT
I want a production credit  Ok... so what happened to the bass guitar? I can't hear what I heard in me head anyhow. Most important of all Gavin... do you like it now?  |
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Post by Gavin on May 9, 2007 21:26:12 GMT
I want a production credit Ok... so what happened to the bass guitar? I can't hear what I heard in me head anyhow. Most important of all Gavin... do you like it now? Cheers everyone. Shaun ,i was thinking along similar lines to what you said. In fact i laughed out loud when i read your first message because it was just what i was thinking. The organ sound is still there,but less obvious (i think its a Rhodes sound actually) i didnt want bass guitar on this because its all about dynamics. Oh and i dont like uneccassary breaks in songs either. It maybe a bit longer than neccassary buit i engoy having a good thrash on the guitar and the sample at the end was a last minute thing.Not sure about that. Ill tell you if i like it tomorrow. I havent decided yet. btw i recorded myself on my camera playing some guitar but i cant convert .mov files to .avi files because the prog im using wont work. Ill see if i can get it working so you can see me in action  |
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Post by vortex on May 11, 2007 7:41:03 GMT
Gavin old chum
As I have such good but possibly ill informed things to say about your track ( only heard its latest incarnation) I am going to be daringly honest (and perhaps equally uninformed) about the first bit.
The first verse was entirely too NIN-alike in terms of your phrasing and intonantion. As Shaun said not a bad thng in itself but entirely derivative and not for an aspiring independent artist
So to the chorus which was apparantly weak in its first realisation.. well its spot on isn't it, musically that is, I have no idea about production.
So to the next verse.. What happened the reznorisms are gone and its you singing and uniquely you.
What a fantastic song but please redo the first verse in your own style. 4 thumbs up
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